That Illicit Addictive Affair

There are days, when you wake up and you have this need to do something different. Today will be the day, that you do something different—so, you keep telling yourself. Then the day carries on and you fall back into your routine. Clock ticks. Time passes. Years pass. One day, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You wonder; what happened to the hopeful, optimistic person who had plans on doing something different?

Maybe, you are at a crisis, maybe you just woke up and got fed up of living a lie. You still haven’t figured out what that lie is. Or maybe you know where the core of the lie is. You are just scared of voicing the truth. The truth; allows you to see the façade you helped create. The lies you thought were protecting you instead, helped suffocate you. You long to be free. Fear, has been your constant bed fellow. You are so used to letting it take over. You do not try to suppress it anymore, you have grown to accept it as part of you. Now, you are at a crossroads. Should you…? Could you…? Where…? How…? 

"...you just feel so paralyzed that your mind needs to go for physiotherapy. You have to start your thought process from scratch.  "

Then something happens and you just feel so paralyzed that your mind needs to go for physiotherapy. You have to start your thought process from scratch. You learn that all these thoughts. These fears, were not only unfounded but holding you back. They were an accumulation, of the fears that were given to you. That you unconsciously collected like items from a grocery store. They were meant to protect you. Instead, they caged you. They made you feel like you were stuck in a box, with no holes or room to breathe. It was a nagging pressure, you could not shake. How could you? It was all you could, to try and keep your head above water. Suppress, that is what you learnt to do best. When you got wind of that illusion, you chose to stand up. You saw a whole world out there. A world, you were itching to experience. A world, that made you feel like you were left behind. In reality, you were confined to limits.

The image at the mirror stares back at you. Something shook in you. The emotions and thoughts you suppressed over the years come rushing in, like a tidal wave. When it starts, it starts soft and gently. Then it overpowers you and you feel like you are being dragged down by an undercurrent. An option is presented to you. Do you want to be constantly drowned; or do you want to find a way out? Will today, be a new day? Or will you continue to be weighed down by fear?

Continue to sit at the mess that was created? Choose to bathe in sheer toxicity?

You jolt back to reality, suck in air and you realize that you will make a change. Commit, to a small step each day. You hope to sprint one day. Hopefully bask, in the rays of the sun that rewards you with that glistening glow. That glow you always had, but chose to be confined in that box of fear.